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Is Your Family Safe for Women and Girls? PT. III

Cynthia C Harris

I realize that growing up in a family comprised majorly of women, does not equate to a safe environment for women and girls.  Families and circles of women can easily act out internalized oppressive beliefs on each other, even in the absence of a batterer.  We can “crack the whip” in our quiet spaces, acting out these deep mistruths about how Black women are lazy, and don’t deserve rest or unearned leisure.

In creating safe spaces for women and girls we might search for examples of women who created woman-centered spaces for themselves and other family members.  There might be, as Audre Lorde* mentions  “the unmarried aunt, childless or otherwise, whose home and resources were often a welcome haven for different members of the family…”  In whose home was/is it safe to speak freely, to rest, to dream, to express yourself creatively?  In whose home were you free to be present in your body, free from the feeling that you were being sized up up for having too much or too little, free to eat what you wanted without commentary, free of invasive notions of modesty?

If you can’t think of a person, try to remember who seemed the happiest, the juiciest, or was described as wild.  Since we aren’t always able to remember the truth about each other, these free women might have been looked at with suspicion or contempt.  You might have been warned against being that kind of woman, or the source of her joy may have always been connected to some sinful behavior.

We get to make the rules in our space.   We get to expect that those rules will be respected.  We  also get to make choices about how to proceed, when our wishes are not respected.

In the past, whenever I tolerated non-woman-centered conversations or allowed the creepy guest to explain why their action was misinterpreted, I have regretted it.  The tolerance came from the knowledge that when women respond appropriately to violating acts in public spaces, we are often treated as the source of disturbance, the offensive presence.  We are the ones told to calm down and are escorted to less populated spaces, as though our interruption of violence has caused the scene, rather than the provoking  incident.  Over time I became comfortable escorting offenders out of my home or gathering without feeling like I needed to justify my choice to the offender or the other guests.  And addressing the violence is absolutely necessary for everyone’s comfort.  Women don’t have to become hyper-vigilant as potential victims and men don’t have to be hyper-vigilant as potential defenders.

One of the statements I use to recover my voice when I feel threatened by the presence of violence is “I wish a (word for oppressive person) would say/would come up in my house and/would try to etc…”  Whether I say it out loud or to myself, I am reminded that I have choice and power in my space.  I can do something to make my family, my home, my life safer for women and girls.

*Scratching the Surface: Some Notes on Barriers to Women and Loving.  First Published in The Black Scholar, vol. 9, no. 7 (1978).

Creative Writing, Uncategorized

Is Your Family Safe for Women and Girls? PT. II

Cynthia C Harris

An excerpt from the performance Phrases of Womanhood (c) Cynthia C Harris and OlaOmi Akalatunde. 

Woman#2 :When I was younger, still in pigtails and patent leather Sunday shoes, they said I acted womanish and thought I was cute: all of em, Mamas, Aunties, Daddies, Uncles, and Play Cousins. I remember family outings and church picnics full of honey coated chocolate dipped caramel kissed grown folk, loud talking and story telling. Long rows of women fanning flies and fighting back beads of sweat. In between sips of iced tea, they attacked.

W#3:“Look at her, you gone have to watch that one right there. She ain’t but how old – and already thankin she cute.”

W#1:“Mmm Mmm honey, you ain’t gone be able to tell her nothing in a minute.”

W#3:”That’s the kind of girl that makes it hard to raise your son right. Lord knows we don’t need no mo fast tail girls round here layin up, makin babies left and right”

W#2:And there it was – the only possible destiny for a girl like me. I hadn’t even graduated from dress up shoes without buckles, couldn’t pick out my own clothes, couldn’t even do my own hair or fix my breakfast yet, but they already knew me.

I was guilty – of something. I walked with spine straight topped with a head held high. Ever peculiar about nice dresses and clean hands, I thought I was beautiful. No you couldn’t convince me that I wasn’t special cause I felt it with every part of myself.

I was the center of my very own universe. The stars shined for me. I could call thunder and rain. The crickets sang my song on cue. I was the first and only recipient of the keys to all the sweetness the world had to offer and I all I had to do was show up and be born.

But over time you begin to believe your inherent special-ness is wrong.

If youthful attempts to show pride bring shame then accepting that you are unworthy of positive attention or kindness is your only refuge.

New truth embraced, the scene was set for not telling my mother that every morning after I waved goodbye from the rear of the school bus, boys a few grades ahead of me called me dirty names and touched me under my uniform.

At school a classmate took an interest in me and decided I would be his girlfriend. Even though only an elementary student, he was well versed, in the ways a man treats a woman, especially one that thinks she’s cute.

W #1: (as though teaching or explaining a conspiracy plot)Rule #1-You sit next to her only at lunch and special assemblies, adorning yourself with her as a fancy decoration.

W #3: (as though teaching or explaining a conspiracy plot)Rule#2-You count her with your racecars and marbles, as a valued personal possession.

W #1: (as though teaching or explaining a conspiracy plot)Rule#3-You pull her braids and mess her ribbons for receiving any attention you don’t solicit or approve.

W #3: (as though teaching or explaining a conspiracy plot)Rule#4- You push her down into sharp gravel, for not feeling, looking, thinking the way you want.

W #2:  Slowly the weight of it all began to crush. Silence painted my pictures and shame laid my path. Cause this was my fault. I made this happen. It had to be my fault. Surely there had to be something about ME, the way words confidently flowed from my mouth, the way my heart was wide open to the sun and the world that made ME somehow appropriate for attack. Maybe I was born wrong or at the wrong time, Cause the world was telling me I was an Alien here. Wasn’t no place for me to just be as I was – naturally.

When everybody that is supposed to love you, speaks harshly, ridicules, abandons and picks at you till you are nothing but the words they call you and the thoughts they feed you, you wonder who you can turn to when your first, second, and third loves treat you like shit. Those same people that are supposed love you; all demand to know

W#1:Why do you, HOW could you tolerate such disrespectful partners and such and abusive relationships? If anybody ever talked to ME that way I’d…

W#2:They say

W#3:I guess I just expected more from you.

W#2:They say

W#1:We thought you knew better than to get yourself mixed up with somebody like that.

W#2:They easily forget that the self-love necessary to avoid such pitfalls is long gone. Slight traces found mixed with dirt under fingernails or sitting high in pantries, pickled in jars thick with dust.

Wouldn’t they all be happier if I could just fade away.

Wouldn’t the world be better if I were never here

Maybe somebody else coulda used this space or this brain or this blood or this body

And whatever piece of me still struggles and gasps for life could just relax and finally be

But somehow, always the pieces of you remain, somewhere in the between.

Somehow, no matter what the trauma, however intense, the missing pieces can always regenerate.

Somehow despite the worst of yesterdays and this mornings, right now and tomorrow SURVIVE waiting to be informed.

Deep under all the “other people’s stuff”. Under years and layers of something other than what you would have chosen for yourself, is the little girl waiting to uncurl her spine and love herself again.

Uncategorized

Is Your Family Safe for Women and Girls? PT. I

Cynthia C Harris

As we co-create a world where the feminine is respected, female bodied persons are safe, and our humanity shines as our point of connection – where might we first place our attention?

To think of changing the world always seems like an awesome task.  We may at some point feel the deep need for the world to tip its balance towards a way of collective action that is more cooperative and fair.  With so many of us walking the globe, how can we, how can I, change things?  If I am but one person, what can I do?  Especially, If I am marked by race and gender and class as “other”and “marginal”, what can I do to shift the power balance?

Campaigns and catchy slogans are meant to inspire us, and they do often succeed in that task.  In addition to pledging our support to a larger entity or organized effort, is it possible to see the results of our efforts a bit closer to home?  Even those of us who focus our careers on social justice wonder how to bring our efforts into our familial networks.  It is easier at times to work publicly against all forms of gender based violence than it is to work intimately with those same issues.  We can become “fans” of socially oriented pages here, “tweet” the good news there and stay up on the latest releases from our favorite cultural critics, but how does that translate to the growth or lack of the girl children’s breasts and hips no longer being the subject of conversation at family dinner?  At what point do we feel strong enough to confront the issue of that uncle or cousin, rather than just warning the children to keep their distance.  When do we get to dismiss the silence around how our aunts arm was really broken?

The gender violence that happens in family networks can be deeply enmeshed in the ways we interact with and negotiate intimacy with each other.  It is no wonder that we might be re-traumatized in the simplest effort to be with family.  And since the same cycles are often repeated over and over, we have often experienced the violence as children, that we witness or condone through our silence as adults.  Violence becomes normative in families, but its harm is never diminished.

We can reclaim our power in our own families.  The issues that make us limit our visits and specialize in quick phone calls, are never unknown.  There is often at least one other family member that knows what isn’t working.  We can collectively confront the violence in our families.  Family members, regardless of age, can challenge negative family patterns as a unit, by modeling loving interactions.  The next family reunion or spontaneous talent show can feature a poem, song or announcement about how certain remarks and interactions make you feel. We can tell the people in our families how we want to be loved.  We can engage each other in conversation, and while asking for the quality of love we need, we remind the other of the quality of love they deserve.  We can also invite our family members into our professional and public spheres, where our activism is more apparent.  We can decide when and how we gather.   The next time we are volunteered to speak or say the prayer before a meal, we can speak our vision of hope and love to our families.  We can choose which conversations to participate in, which to interrupt.

Every word and intention counts.  We always have power in the present moment create and transform.  Each moment is ripe with possibility.

Uncategorized

Where There Is Love: October in Review

Cynthia C Harris

As I entered October, I began to think about how I would observe Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Much of my focus over the last few years, has been centered around my performance workshop “Why Won’t She Leave”, giving me the opportunity to speak intimately with women about our relationship violence.  I assumed that I might spend the month in dialogue, but rather than filling my schedule with workshops, I spent time with important women in my life teasing out the ways violence creeps into our hopes, defines us, and limits our imagination. 

It’s daunting to consider the realities of one’s own life.  Where were passion and curiosity curtailed by invasive action?  When did intentional invisibility cross from external survival strategy to unconscious internal reality?  Will I ever be able to distinguish the performance from authentic expression?  In the face of violence threatened and enacted,  How relevant is my quest for wholeness? 

To avoid being paralyzed by the threat of violence, it  gets compartmentalized into an experience of the other.  Attempting to avoid the dangers of being in a female body, we rationalize the potential violence against us by making it an experience unique to “those women” who deal with “those men” live in “those places” or do “those things”.  While we find more nuanced ways to go unnoticed, to exist without need, to be worthy of safety, violence siphons away our individuality and robs us of our divine gifts.   

During October, while I continued the process of re-membering myself, I continued to wonder how and where intact vocal women exist.  I wonder what they talk about, how they dress, what they eat.  I find myself deeply and primarily concerned about who loves them.  Do whole, vibrant, alive women ever get to be truly happy or is it a constant struggle to justify your humanity to the world around you, to mark even the smallest amount of space? 

I find that the best way to expand the boundaries of my human experience is to make myself the center of all important questions.  Standing in the power of the present moment, I decide that I am a whole, intact, fully expressed woman.  As such, I revel in my fiercely inventive style of dress.  I am delighted about the loving quality of my relationships, nourishing interactions that leave me feeling fully replenished.  I celebrate my sensuous approach toward cooking, noticing that being present allows me to experience food with my full palette.  Humanity is a state of being, a reality that requires no justification, and by one’s existence can’t be denied. 

If the normative experience for women is one of safety and wholeness, then there is no need for boundaries, no need for survival strategies, invisibility and silence.  When we are free to fully embody our goodness, to approach every experience with a resounding YES, we can all define for ourselves what wholeness looks like on us.

Creative Writing

IAMSHE

Cynthia C Harris

Visibility is a topic I explore regularly in my work.  The following performance text serves as incantation, testimony, and war cry.  These are the words of a woman speaking her truth and making it plain.

I am she who makes it

I am she who makes manifest

I am she who makes real by opening

I am she who accesses truth

I am she who demands physical pleasure

I am she who demands physical pleasure

I am she who is vibrant

I am she who radiates light

I am she who opens

I am she who awakens

I am she who savors

I am she who lingers

I am she who lamps

I am she who chills

I am she who rests and is carried

I am she who is carried

I am she who is carried

I am she who is never without her favorite things

I am she with luxuries

I am she with patience

I am she with patience

I am she with patience

I am she with patience

I am she who is without hurry

I am she who makes

I am she who crafts

I am she who calls forth

I am she who conjures

I am she who incants

I am she who sings out

I am she who cries and wails

I am she who mourns

I am she who grieves

I am she who does not hoard

I am she who trusts

I am she who dreams

I am she who laughs

I am she who celebrates

I am she who feasts

I am she who calls down merriment

I am she who is pleasured

I am she who gushes

I am she who pulsates

I am she who praises

I am she who brings forth song

I am she who is

I am she who is all things

I am she who is heavy and all consuming

I am she who is unrestrained and unfettered

I am wild she

I am free she

I am she

I am she

I am she

I am she

I am she

I am she

I am she

I am she

I am she

I am she

I am she who does as she desires

I am she who expects cooperation

I am she who is pleased with the outcome

I am she who is pleased with the outcome

I am she who expects beauty

I am she who accepts praise

I am she who knows her own name and sings her own song

I am she who wakes to good news

I am she who wakes to good news

I am she who lets and flows

I am she who dreams and creates

I am she who receives increase

I am she who is assisted

I am she who is loved

I am she who molds and makes pretty

I am she

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DV Shelter’s Need Grooming Items for Black Women

Cynthia C Harris

Upon my return to Nashville, TN to support my family during a time of crisis, I worked for several months at the YWCA of Nashville’s Domestic Violence Shelter.  Since I needed to be available during the day to take my mom to her chemotherapy treatments or provide any other type of support, I chose to work at the shelter as an Overnight Counselor. 

One of my weekly duties was to fill supply request orders for the shelter guests.  I must admit that I fully enjoyed stocking bags full of supplies.  It gave me a sense of power, that I could do something in the present moment to help.  Even though women were navigating their survival and safety, at least I could fill an immediate need in a matter of moments. 

Our facility was organized brilliantly.  It was obvious that many women had put their love into making this process as easy and organized as possible.  There were staff members before me, some that I would meet, others long gone, who had been thinking well about the guests that would need the shelter’s resources well into the future.  Residents were escorted to a space to pick out their own clothing items, chance decided if a person could find their size, let alone their taste in clothing.  Plus size clothing and shoes over a size 8, maybe 9 were always in high demand, but low supply. 

We used a request list, that named the toiletries and grooming items on hand.  Single women, as well as women with children communicated to me on this small sheet of paper, the necessities that might make this temporary dwelling a bit more like home.  It was my job to fill this particular supply request overnight, so that the items would be available by morning.  Shampoo, diapers, wet wipes, lotion, lipstick, acne cream, face wash, curling irons, blow dryers, hair color were just some of the things that could be requested, and supplied…when we had the items.  Items specifically for Black women were always low in supply.  I took some time while I was there, to make a list of the types of items Black women needed in particular, and shared that with the interim donations coordinator.  My suggestions were heard, but I was made to understand that those supplies were donations, and we could only give what we were given.  I can’t tell you how many times a woman wanted a relaxer or some hair gel, and I had to let her know we didn’t have those items.   It was hard to explain to my staff mates, that shampoo and conditioner, didn’t fully satisfy Black women’s  needs for hair care.   The small combs designed to fit discreetly in a purse, were not meant for our hair. 

I am writing this so that we may all shift our perspective about the needs of women in shelter.  We often think of our donations, as a way to do something that makes us feel good, but mostly as a way to clean out items we no longer have use for.  Certainly, in the age of reuse and recycle, it is good to pass along the gently used items that might be a tremendous blessing to someone else.  But if you had to run off from everything you know and love, all your stuff, what would you want waiting for you when you finally reach your oasis?  What things, would make you feel relief, and ease the terror that has been at your neck from the moment you decided to make a run for your life? 

Women in shelter need everything, the exact same things women need outside of shelter.  We group all vulnerable people together, and have a general sense that they should be grateful for what they get, and make the best of it.  But, your brand and style of tampons are not about preference, it is your need.  Your particular type of body lotion, the shea and cocoa butter infused variety, isn’t an extra – that is what you need to take care of your skin. 

Women in shelter, women dealing with intimate violence are expected to have their lives interrupted, and to just adapt to that interruption.  Part of our hope of services for survivors of domestic violence, is to allow them to put a life back together -a life that includes building new relationships, locating housing, and finding new jobs or maintaining the ones they have.  Isn’t it best if these tasks can be negotiated with confidence, in a manner that maintains dignity?  So then what can we do as friends, family members, coworkers, employers of women who may need shelter services, to make sure that the experience of violence has the least impact?  What can we do to make a Black woman’s shelter stay as easy as possible?  What can we do to communicate that her safety is important, and that she deserves the best help, services, care and love?

Click here to view the Nashville YWCA’s wish list and contact information.  Please contact your local shelter, for a list of their individual needs. 

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Interview: What is it Like to Perform with Healing Waters Productions?

Cynthia C Harris

 

SistArtists and frequent collborators, Myra Oyin Foxworth and Oshunyemi Amoloku Akalatunde, were asked to reflect on their participation in the  Healing Waters Experience.  They were encouraged to think specifically about their recent performance of the original work, “Why Won’t She Leave?”  (WWSL)

I have been in relationship with these women so long that they have witnessed the birth and evolution of all my creative projects.  I am honored that they always seem to trust where my vision is leading them, and they are always ready to go again.  How sweet and revolutionary it is to be able to work with women you love! 

REHEARSAL PROCESS & OVERALL EXPERIENCE

Do you have any general thoughts about the rehearsal process of “Why Won’t She Leave”? Was it similar or different to other theatrical rehearsals you’ve done? If yes, how?
 
Myra:i always find acting to be a very powerfully emotional experience.  but wwsl took me to some DIFFERENT places.  the subject matter was especially intense and heavy…it process caused me to go over my interpersonal relationships with a fine toothed comb AND a magnifying glass.

Oshunyemi:  The rehearsal process for WWSL was vastly different from what I have experienced in other productions. I greatly appreciated the time to reflect with my fellow actresses and discuss my week, my day and basically clear out all mental nastiness before getting on with the process of becoming Woman In White
 

How did the mini-session( timed discussion between two individuals) and group processing factor into the overall experience? Were they useful tools?
 
Myra:  the mini-sessions were EXTREMELY useful.  they helped to “empty out my head” so that i was able to be more present during the rehearsals…and they helped me to process out my stuff so that i didn’t go home carrying heavy loads from the piece.  AND i think the they helped to create a real synergy and sense of connectedness within the group of people involved in the production of the play that translated VERY well on stage.
 
i have also utilized mini-sessions in my own work with recovery based psycho therapy groups to good effect. 

Oshunyemi:  To call these ‘useful tools’ is a gross understatement. The mini sessions and group processing allowed me to fully immerse myself in the reality of what we were presenting within the play. My awareness became heightened by these processes and with this heightened awareness I was able to fully feel the part not just read it or act it. I was also assured that the audience would feel me as the character.

How did the experience increase your knowledge about Domestic Violence? How did the experience affect your thinking about Domestic Violence?
 
Myra:prior to the experience…whenever i thought about domestic violence…i always focused on the physical forms of abuse. white collar’s character AND parts of some truth’s character pulled the subtler forms of psychological abuse into MUCH sharper focus for me.  there were times that i was TRULY nauseous during some of the monologues and i’d find myself “checking out” a lil bit during the rehearsal.

Oshunyemi:  Having been a victim of Domestic Violence, I entered into the experience thinking I was informed. However, WWSL pushed my thinking to new levels and even allowed me to see and acknowledge out loud my own physically abusive behaviors. It forced me to delve deeper into my own psyche, which was difficult but cleansing and healing as well.

 How did the experience change you? How did the experience change/affect your interactions and/or conversations with others?  How did the experience affect your thinking? Did the experience move you to action in any way?
 
Myra:  the experience moved me to be VIGILANT about my relationships…and to have friends to act as sounding boards so that i can “session” and be really clear about what is going on in my relationships…from my relationship with my man, to my relationships with my clients, to my relationships with my parents…
 

Oshunyemi:  It made me more determined to be myself fully in any and every situation I find myself in. It helped me to see that listening to my inner voice will never steer me wrong. It helped me to realize that there is no perfect relationship waiting for me out in the ether somewhere, that life and love is EXACTLY what I make it and therefore I have to take responsibility for making it good, positive and satisfying for me. 

It moved me to talk to my daughters again about abuse in relationships and remind them that they will always have a home to come to.

CHARACTERS

What was your role in the performance/which character? How did playing this character affect you?
 
Myra:  i had the role of butwhygirl? in the performance…butwhygirl challenged me to come fully outside of myself…i acknowledge that i’m generally a pretty dramatic person in my day to day life….but butwhygirl’s character is dramatic in a TOTALLY different way…so i had to…i don’t know access some parts of myself that i didn’t know were there to begin with…or at least parts of me that i don’t generally pay too much attention to…and i had to figure out how to convey the physicality of a woman who is larger than me…that was a challenge…one that i’m still actually kinda trying to wrap my head around and it’s been nearly a YEAR since i performed WWSL.

Oshunyemi: I was Woman In White. And I was terrified of this role, because it required me to go back to place that I never wanted to return to and it placed the responsibility for the mood of the piece squarely in my lap. Facing the fear I had of the role made me a stronger woman. I was required to enter into my own personal underworld.

I ran the gamut of emotions while performing in this piece and in this role and I felt cleansed afterwards. But every time I had to rehearse it was scary and I felt insufficient and poorly equipped and generally not good enough…I realized that these were emotions I had learned to feel about myself during the time I was being abused…so I fought against them but they were still very much present for me and painful, terrifying and almost crippling to deal with. Never before have I felt like I was such an inept actress, never before have I wondered about my worthiness while on stage to such an extent…it was my most difficult role ever

What do you think was communicated through your character/your performance?
 
Myra:  i think BWG [ButWhyGirl] is really the “straight man” of the performance…she doesn’t go through too many changes…she’s the anchor in a way…she’s not as huge a character as the other ones…i think she actually has the fewest lines…BUT she’s the character that helps bring you back to center…she keeps the ugliness from making you run out of the theatre…she’s the comedic punchline thrown out into the darkness…she’s also saying what many of the folks in the audience WANT to say to woman in white…

Oshunyemi: Life and love are what you make them TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for yourself your life and the kind of love you receive in this life

What do you think about the performance of male characters by women (whether or not that was your role)?
 
Myra: two things actually…
 
1. i think it’s REALLY really powerful to have women perform those roles because initially it takes you out of your general “man hits woman” rut of thinking about abusive relationships and causes you to look at the relationship dynamics with fresh eyes…
 
like OH WOW it’s two WOMEN having this conversation…this is different…lemme pay closer attention…and just maybe if two women are having this interaction…then maybe it could be two males or the female could be the aggressor in a male/female relationship…
 
2. the other reason i think it’s really cool to have an all female cast is…in the theatre in ancient rome…men played all the parts…male AND female…they just used masks and wigs to make the changes…but we did it WITHOUT MASKS…it’s really pretty gangsta if you think about it…

Oshunyemi:I was reminded of early European theatre in which all characters were played by men. I feel that all characters being played by women says very clearly to women and men women are enough by themselves, they do not REQUIRE the presence of other genders to strenghten or build them up, they CHOOSE to relate to other genders, not out of weakness but out of love. I also think the fact that we were able to be the male characters so completely displays how deeply we understand our men.

How did it feel to perform a male character? What issues/questions about space(spatial relationships), movement, power and/or gender were raised by this? *Please comment even if you did not play a male character.

Oshunyemi:  POWERFUL. Full, domineering, authoritative, controlling…these are adjectives yes, but they are also the emotions that exhibiting maleness invoke within me.

PERFORMANCE

Describe your feelings about performing the subject matter.(Domestic Violence)

 Myra:  it’s one of the SCARIEST things i’ve ever done.  it’s really dark and heavy and powerful stuff, it’s the kind of stuff that if left unspoken creates ulcers in the community.  If you don’t shine a light on it you can’t heal it.
 
i mean truthfully i’m feeling a lil heavy and gritty just having to dig around in my feelings about the performance. and after i finish writing this i’m going to take a walk in the sunshine and eat something really good.

How did it feel to perform WWSL? in front of your family/community?  How did it feel to performs WWSL? in front of strangers?
 
Myra:  for me i felt about the same way performing it in front of my community and in front of strangers…i was a lil bit nervous about how it would be received.  i wondered what things would be restimulated in people…but mostly i felt that i was being a part of a HUGE vehicle for healing in the community.

Oshunyemi: TERRIFYING…I had to constantly wonder, whose toes am I treading upon, whose business is in the street, who will not speak to me afterward because they think it is about them? And LIBERATING…I felt as if I were screaming from the rooftops…tell your story too! Do not be afraid, see I am doing it and the sky did not fall, the earth did not stop spinning and no one is hitting me or yelling at me for telling my story…utter your truth and it will be heard and Well Received!

Strangers were much easier to perform for…however, I still worried about wives, girlfriends and mothers in the audience who would suffer the backlash of us telling our truth in front them and their significant others

How do you think the performance affects the audience member’s knowledge of and feelings about domestic violence)?
 
Myra:  i think that the performance will pull up just about any and EVERY feeling that an audience member has about domestic violence. from identifying with the abused to possibly realizing how they’ve been an abuser.  the whole performance pulls you out of the “usual” ways of looking at domestic violence over and over again, ie women performing men’s roles and non-physical domestic violence, etc.  truthfully the counselor in me would be deeply interested in what would come up in some group sessions with audience members.
 
and another note on the performance…
 
i think performing it as a staged reading…is absolutely brilliant because the audience isn’t able to become distracted by “action” during the performance.  THEIR stuff comes up MUCH more clearly because they have to imagine the scenes/settings/actions for most of the words they’re seeing…
 
and THAT is also a powerful tool for healing and reflection…and those group sessions that i mentioned

Oshunyemi:  I think WWSL frees your mind and clears your thinking in a way nothing else can. You cannot see it performed and leave with the same beliefs or feelings on abuse that you had before you saw it. It makes abuse REAL to you, it makes it PERSONAL, it becomes your story.

Events, Uncategorized

Identity and Performance:A Conversation with Local University Students

Cynthia C Harris

Last week, I was invited by Professor Ifeoma Nwankwo of Vanderbilt University to speak to her students during her course, American Studies Workshop: Black Nashville.
 
“This class is part of a new innovative course series called “Music City Perspectives.” Through it, Vanderbilt students will learn from, about, and with the city’s diverse communities, while also honing their academic writing and research skills and contributing to the greater good.  The Fall 2009 course will focus on populations of African descent in the city, particularly African American, Caribbean, and African communities.”

Initially I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.  I was invited to speak about my experience as a Black Nashvillian.  It is always an interesting exercise to talk about your experience with a particular identity group.  How do I explain being a Black, queer, working class, southern woman in her 30s?  I just am what I am, right?  What would be the best way to break down the culture and politics of those identity groups, but then reassemble them to give the full picture of the experience I am having, and how that experience informs all the work that i do?  How would I feel doing that with/for individuals who may not have a single piece of identity in common with me, yet if they did, would they experience it exactly the way that I do? 

I decided that rather than examine all these intersecting identities alone, then presenting some finished analysis, that I would walk the students through my process.  I wanted to invite them into this conversation that I was having with myself. (giggle) 

I came to class with a few ideas I had been working on, then put my theory on the board and asked for feedback.  We talked about pieces that could be missing from my analysis.  I thought it was important to acknowledge that as soon as we are born, the world responds to us, giving us information about who we are, and then how we are to respond to/with that information.  At our core is this authentic, essential being, but once our identities are layered onto us, we filter who we truly are through that matrix of identity.  The result is our performance.  But what happens if we want to alter that performance or find that it doesn’t fit?  Are we free to alter this performance? Aren’t there incentives to maintain a certain performance at all times.  Perhaps we are more predictable or easily controlled if we do. 

I’d love to return and have follow up conversations.  The course seems ripe with good news.  I’m looking forward to their final projects. 

Creative Writing

The Inspectors

Cynthia C Harris

 This is an excerpt from Phrases of Womanhood.  The section focuses on the absurdity of our body image obsessions.

 Recorded Voice or Audience Read: Before starting your day you must prepare for the world around you.  It is tough out there ladies.  Put on your armor.  Get your daily shield protection.  Find your place

Inspector #1:

It is time to put your faces on and pull it together Ladies.  Ready for inspection in 5, (dancers hurry to put their t-shirts on using the same character descriptions above) counting 5…4…3…2…1

Inspector #2:

Ladies, ladies, ladies, this will never do. 

 Inspector #1

We do not assign these uniforms randomly.  It takes considerable energy to have them perfectly fitted for each and every one of you.  Not to mention that some of you grow out of them or intentionally try to “misplace” them.

Inspector #2

Proper care of these uniforms must be taken to guarantee your appropriate rank is clearly displayed at all times. 

Inspector#1

Please resist the urge to personalize your uniforms.  They are in your care but, ARE NOT to be considered personal property. 

 The Inspectors begin individual inspections.  Making notes on clipboards as they examine each dancer.  They reach “ TOO SMALL”.

 Inspector # 1 (to Inspector # 2)

Inspector what did we cite this one for last time?

 Inspector #2

(Checks chart)  Let me see… ah yes.  We pointed her out for shame and ridicule because her bra size is 32B. (Stares at the dancers chest.)  And by the looks of it, a B- cup may be a bit of an exaggeration.

 Inspector #1:

32 B, (takes a moment to look her over) you are looking a little better today. 

 Inspector #2

Good to see you took our advice and invested in a good push-up bra.

 Inspector #1

Though these little bras are only temporary. 

Inspector #2

And once you take them off, you go back to well…. Nothing.

Inspector #1

I think you should consider simple corrective surgery for this particular deformity.

 Inspector #2

Oh, Absolutely. 

Inspector #1

Saline Implants could take you up to a DD-cup easily.  You really can’t say you’ve made any improvements until you develop a curvature of the spine. 

Inspector#2

It’s simply not feminine to be that flat chested.  You don’t want to go around looking like an adolescent boy, do you?

 Inspector #1

Do you?

Inspector #2: They move on to other dancers until they reach another the woman “TOO OLD”.

(checks chart) Mid to Late 30s.  mmmhhmmm…(making notes on her chart)

 Inspector #1:

mmmhhmmm… (Making notes on her chart)

 Inspector #2:

mmmhhmmm. Inspector #1 is this one married yet?  I don’t see any of that information in her chart here. 

Inspector #1:
(Searches clip board, eyes widen in horror)  NO!

Inspector #1 and Inspector #2 (at the same time):

Oh My!

Inspector #2

Mid to late 30s, and you’re not married yet. 

Inspector #1

Being this old and unmarried really only works for men dear.  It’s just not appropriate for a woman.

 Inspector #2

Start clipping coupons for Cat Food and Ensure, cause Honey, you’re well on your way to spinsterhood. 

(Inspector #1 & Inspector #2 share an annoying laugh together)

Inspector #1

Look Ladies, don’t you want to be beautiful like everybody else?

 Inspector#2

Don’t you want people to like you?

Inspector#1

Don’t you want to partner up with somebody so you can put all the hassles of thinking for yourself on somebody else’s shoulders?

 Inspector# 2

Lord help us all. I’m glad we caught all these errors today.  We can get you all started on a plan that will get you in total bondage I mean bliss in no time.

 Inspector#1

Oh yes absolutely! But how shall we customize for women in such a state of distress?  

(Inspector #1 & Inspector #2 pause to think)

 Inspector#2

If you were between the ages of 8 and 11, we would have the time it takes to thoroughly eat away at your self-esteem. 

Inspector#1

Eating disorders can be good for quick weight loss, but it takes so much time to really make a good eating disorder stick.  And TIME is what we have the least of!

 Inspector #2

It is not enough to be concerned about the way you appear to others.  It must be your first and only thought always.  After all, the way other people perceive you is really all that matters. 

Inspector#1

It is too late and entirely too much work, to slowly change your diet and increase your level of activity (said in a different voice as if imitating and mocking someone). That health nut mumbo jumbo is pure foolishness anyhow.

Inspector#2

Diet pills and Liposuction are the only way to go.  Try a little Laser rejuvenation for your lady friend, if you are really feeling fancy.

Inspector#1

Inspector, do you remember what’s her name?

Inspector#2

No girl, be more specific.

Inspector#1

You know what’s her name with the ….and all the ….

 Inspector#2

Oh yes I remember now, you mean …

Inspector#1

That’s the one.  Ladies, I tell you after her reconstructive surgery, well if she had survived her reconstructive surgery, she would have been drop dead gorgeous.

Inspector#1

I guess in the end she was drop dead gorgeous.

 (Inspector #1 & Inspector #2 share an annoying laugh)

 Inspector#2

Where are all my smiling faces? You all look pitiful!

 Inspector#1

Let’s not make this any harder than it needs to be.  Not that I encourage this, but if you are so dead set on being “HAPPY”, it comes in an assortment of vices now; you can pop it, sniff it, smoke it, shoot it, or drink it.

Inspector #2

Sweethearts, there are a number medications available by prescription, over the counter, or from your local narcotics dealer, that can take all your worries away.  

Inspector#1

Stop trying to paddle upstream.  Just go with the flow, like everybody else.

 Inspector #2

Trust us.  We know what we are telling you. 

Inspector #1

If you take our suggestions, without question, you’ll be just fine. 

 (Inspector #1 & Inspector #2 share their annoying laugh again)